#originally I was going to work in a reference to how long they'd been friends but you guys get the picture xD

[iffeelscouldkill]

i'm love them

I hope we get to learn the name of Adrienne's teammate but until then, I've named her Haravali xD Have a drabble:

---

"Look, Har! Free chocolate," Adrienne said as she waved to her adoring fanbase.

"I can see that." Haravali was halfway between amused and exasperated. "I'm not sure you should encourage them."

"Are you saying I should reject a gift?" Adrienne bit into the chocolate daintily.

"I just think they might get the wrong idea."

"That I like chocolate?"

"Come on, you two," said Dafna, who had finished chatting with her ex. "Weapons check."

"You worry too much," Adrienne told Haravali, and before she could reply, placed a chocolate between her lips.

Haravali raised an eyebrow, but bit down. Adrienne smiled.

[unnamed-axolotl]

HAAANDSS I've always prided myself on being able to draw them so HERES A FUN LITTLE THINGY I DID!!! Tried to get a good variety of hands here. With the humans, ranging from young child to older child to adult, plus a couple of skin tones and features. Then with the animatronics, what the difference is between a harshly-put-together robot vs. an actually well-put-together animatronic.

(AND AS A BONUS their handwriting and how I think they'd draw smilies!!!!)

HEADCANONS UNDER THE CUT, written in the order I drew them in, not the order they appear.

I started with Michael. I was originally going to make him a lot more worn out, but just kept it simple probably for the sake of my sanity. A good few scars from the stuff he's went through. He probably has rather good handwriting because he's had a lot of practice both with legal documents and probably journaling. (Not really taking into account the Logbook here. It totally wasn't because I don't know what his handwriting looks like off the top of my head and was too lazy to get out of bed and get the book to reference.) He does a pretty generic smiley face, too.

Cassie was next. I don't really draw human hands with fingernails a lot so that was a challenge. The idea here was to make a hand that was that of an older kid, but obviously not as big or with fingers as long as Michael's are, for example. I played with her skin tone for a little bit, and I'm not too experienced with working in color, so please do let me know if there's anything I can improve upon when I do darker skin tones in the future! I was trying to get that lighter tone on her underhand but wasn't too positive about it. I also gave her some funky little bracelets, one of which is a direct copy of a bracelet that my lovely friend (@masquayla-the-splendid) for me. Cassie probably has fairly decent handwriting and definitely dots her i's with hearts when she writes her name. She tries to make the smiley faces look cute.

Evan's turn! I headcanon Evan to be much younger, so I made his hands smaller and stubbier. He's pretty pale because of the whole dying thing, and he's got some freckles and moles, sort of inspired by my own hand in a way! I've got little moles everywhere so I figured I'd incorporate that into his design, partly as a way to add more flair to an otherwise plain base. Other than that, not much going on here. He's got messier handwriting because he's a kid, and in my AU he didn't really get to go to school for all that long, so his siblings probably taught him how to write before he died. The brain damage probably doesn't help much either. He's trying his best.

For Sun and Moon, initially I couldn't decide which one of the two to color. As I was making the base I was thinking pretty hard about it, but ultimately figured out that I could probably just split it down the middle, and it worked! I've been trying to give the Daycare Attendants longer fingers to reflect how their hands look in the games. I couldn't make their hands too big because it either looked stupid to me or took up too much space, so I settled with this. I also gave them little scratches on their fingerpads. Sun and Moon have different signatures, with Moon's being a little more neat while Sun's is more fun and just a tad messier. He also overdecorates a bit. Moon stays simple with his smiley faces and Sun loves to express Big Happiness in his.

Ennard's hands (particularly their wrists where their wires tangle together like that) never look the same twice when I draw them, but I like to think the placement of their wires probably changes fairly frequently too, like a Double Rex Rat who has a new coat pattern every few days. Their wires have tarnished over time, but they try to maintain just a little bit of glint, despite the rusting, which is particularly noticeable in the spots where their fingertips brush against things most often. They've also got those little stray wires that poke out of each fingertip. Of course, holding any kind of writing utensil with those Big Meaty Claws has gotta be difficult, so even if they try their hardest, it's not gonna turn out great. Same with their smiley faces. They're doing their best.

[batmanfruitloops]

Happy 1st Anniversary to the Batmanfruitloops!!! 🎉

Whoo! This is such an achievement, but also it's such a crazy thought that it's been a WHOLE YEAR??? It means a lot that so many other people like our au as much as we do, and even more that we've been able to make friends; we want to thank all of you new and old for joining us here to have fun and enjoy the journey of our au!

With that said, I'd like to share some old art that's "behind the scenes" stuff from out time since we started our au.

also if you've been here since these were the profile picture and banner, you're a real one;

Fun fact, I (Sarsee) don't like fruit loops, but it was the first thing I thought of to name the blog, plus it was memorable. The au name being "Batman: A New Gotham" came later! Double plus, the abbreviation is BANG and I find that coincidence just delightful.

One of favorite changes that happened out of nowhere was John's eyes changing from more round to almond. He used to look a lot more like the Telltale Joker, but I feel like his current eyes fit better with his personality in our au. This also isn't going to show up because it's file names, but I had originally wanted to call the Joker "Jbird" like Batman calls him in the Lego Batman movie. (for context, it's the scene where Joker is tied to a bunch of balloons - you know the one - and side note, I want to redraw a screenshot from that with our Joker eventually) I don't have any pictures with a "Jbird" design because I never got the idea to work, I just thought it could have been interesting considering Joker works with Batman in our au and that would put him on theme with the Batfam being flying mammals/avians.

Most of the other original designs aren't too drastic either - or at least it doesn't feel like it to me. Scarecrow and Riddler have changed a lot though. And I think the changes that came about with Fluffy joining on board were much needed (Scarecrow's costume was always done by Fluffy, but I designed him out of costume originally -I was originally making the au myself, but that didn't last long when we started yapping about ideas to one another and never stopped) She also couldn't understand how I stylized his hair, so it became puffy and unruly instead of curly and gelled back. Ed can still gel his hair if he wanted to, just for special occasions.

Some old sillies as well from Fluffy;

we find the contrast between Batman vs. Scarecrow and Joker vs. Riddler very funny because it's so drastically different. The Joker and Riddler never really try to hurt each other, they just like to play into the dramatics and vibe while still on their separate sides. Batman and Scarecrow want to tear one another's throats out and watch them suffer for it because they have no idea what's going on in their heads.

with the villain!joker timeline, there's an alternate version of the Goon squad (Dork Squad + Joker) where it's Harvey instead of the Joker. Or as well, there can be all five of them. Harvey is the only person who can scruff Jo like the gremlin he very much is and he'll just let it happen.

I don't know if this will show up in the comic anymore, but at one point the Joker was going to refer to Scarecrow and the Riddler as Samhain and a leprechaun because they're both partially Irish - couldn't really be that specific with voice claims, and they'd be offended

and lastly, Ed gets cranky when he's tired

Batman and Riddler are the only two to get digital references at the time and man, do I much prefer how streamlined the final ones look. I mean, what was the dingy brown I had behind Batman? For a split second, Ed's coat was almost purple, but thankfully, Fluffy convinced me otherwise and suggested his shoes be purple. This is also before his vest, and now there's an in story reason for why he doesn't have it in the beginning. Also look at how skinny and tall Ed looked!! (he was still short, he's not allowed to be tall in our au)

That's all I have for now, we'd love to hear any thoughts/memories/etc. in the comments!

Love, Sarsee and Fluffy, your batmanfruitloops creatures

[misterspectacular]

Joker in Arkham Shadow

I'm so glad Joker is a part of Arkham Shadow! Not a big part and we never actually see him, which is sad, but HE'S IN IT! It's actually necessary that we don't see him, or that he doesn't see US, considering we are Batman without the mask and he knows we are Batman based on voice alone. He knows his Bat so well!

The voice actor hasn't been listed yet, but it's Troy Baker, who also voiced Joker in Arkham Origins! (Troy Baker voices Harvey Dent/Two-Face in this game, as well). (Side note, Batman in this game is voiced by Roger Craig Smith who also voiced Batman in Origins.) (Side side note, this is a sequel to Origins.)

Heres the dialogue:

Matches Malone (Batman): *knocks*

Joker: Two bits! Well, look who's finally awake!

Malone: The hell you talking about? you some kind of Joker?

Joker: Hardly knew her! Hehehee... Aah, nothing like an old friend to make the joint feel less solitary.

Malone: Old friend? You got the wrong guy. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'd remember meeting a freak like you.

Joker: Tut tut, Batsy-Boo! The East End voice might fool the rest of these dimwits, but me? Tsk tsk. Oh, you and I have something special.

Batman: What do you want?

Joker: Right now? A gallon of gas, a book of matches, and a ham sandwich. But I'll settle for a little chit chat. Ever since the last riot down here, it's gotten so dreadfully boring!

Batman: (multiple choice question, this one was selected) How long have you been in solitary?

Joker: Ooh, look who's fishing for leads! Don't tell me I'm a suspect in whatever foul deeds you're investigating.

Batman: You are always a suspect.

Joker: Hehehe, I bet you say that to all three girls. Hehe, unfortunately for you, Sherlock, I've been locked in here ever since you stopped me from exploding the Warden. (Reference to Origins finale) Funny... I didn't think they'd throw me in the hole for FAILING to kill someone. Huh!

Batman: You have no idea what's going on in Gotham?

Joker: I mean, honestly, you finally put the hurt on Gotham's criminal underworld and suddenly there's a brand new rodent stealing your spotlight! Meanwhile, I'm boxed up like --

Batman: Bats are NOT rodents.

Joker: Euggh. Bet you're fun at parties.

CO Robbins (guard?): Shut up in there, will ya?!

Joker: Everyone's a critic! Fine, fine, fine. Aah, I need to get my beauty sleep anyway. Seems like I'm always a little pale ever since SOMEONE dropped me into a vat of acid! Hmm? Hahaha!

Batman: Enough talk for now.

(I love this bit. In ORIGINS, it's shown that Joker actually RECREATED his own memories so that Batman would be included in them. The vat of acid and Batman throwing him in was a made up memory. It's also shown in Origins that Joker PAINTS his face -- he's not pale because he was "dropped in acid". Joker prefers the fantasy and at this point might believe it's reality.)

---

(Next day)

Joker: Knock knock!

Batman: Joker.

Joker: No no no! You're supposed to say, "who's there?" Do you really not know how this goes? Let's try again. knock knock!

Batman: (multiple choice, this one was selected) Who's there?

Joker: What? It's me, the Joker. Oo, they must've hit your head pretty hard before they threw you in here.

Batman: *grunt*

Joker: Oh, don't be like that! Not my fault you walked into it. Now, where were we?

Batman: (multiple choice) Where's the Rat King?

Joker: Beats me! You'd think someone who wanted chaos and destruction throughout Gotham would've jumped at the chance to get ME involved.

Batman: And he hasn't?

Joker: Bats. Really? Do you think I'd be chatting this much with you if I had any other options? It's always work work work! You never ask how my plans for killing sprees are going!

Batman: During the last riot, you left bombs all over the prison. You know where the Rat King is hiding.

Joker: You know, persistence is one of your best qualities, but I'm being honest with ya. I wouldn't know the Rat King's secret lair from a hole in the ground!

CO Robbins: How many times I gotta tell ya?! this ain't a damn social club!

Joker: Oh, cram it up your TYGER hole, Robbins! I don't come to YOUR job and commit unspeakable offenses against helpless victims, do I?! Oh wait, I do. Well, hate to say it, Matches, but he's got a point. We'll chat later.

---

Joker: Psst! Hey buddy, you awake? I haven't heard the screws bustling around in a while. You know what that means?

Batman: That it's time to get out of here.

Joker: That's right! Slumber party! Truth or dare! You go first, but don't ask where any bodies are buried!

Batman: (multiple choice, this one was selected) What do you know about Dr. Quinzel?

Joker: Let's see, Dr. Quin -- Ooh, the blondie? Is she still working here? Well, if you ask me, she could really use a career change. I don't suppose you know anyone who's hiring? Ooo! Maybe she could be your little sidekick! Hahahaha!

Batman: I work alone.

Joker: Oh, come on! The adventures of Batsy and Doctor Ditz! It'll play great woth the teens.

Batman: No.

Joker: Teh. Fine, fine. If you're too uptight to give the girl a chance, well, one man's trash is another man's treasure.

Batman: If you know something about the Rat King, tell me. You could be his next target.

Joker: Oh, heaven forfend! I certainly hope no one breaks me out of solitary to try and recruit me for the Day of Wrath! And they say you're not funny. Thanks for the laughs, Bato! I mean, "Matches". WINK! Now what's next? Spin the bottle? Kind of difficult with a concrete wall between us. Now don't go putting my hand in a bowl of water while I sleep! Hehehehe

Batman: This isn't funny, Joker. People are going to-- (Batman is interrupted by a visitor and so ends the Batjokes interactions)

---

and that's that.

later Batman explores Joker's cell. It says "hahaha" on one wall, and on the wall they were speaking through it says "we're sleeping" and "Kill the bat!"

oh and here's a screen shot of the wall from Batman's side, I had to crop the video because I got a notification during recording haha

[bleachbleachbleach]

Verisimilitude (long thoughts about writing)

Sometimes I get mailed random books to consider for course adoption. The first one I looked at the other day was so incredibly bad I could not make it past page 12--"oh my god I hate books" bad; "trees were wasted on this!!" bad. And then there's this one. I've made it to page 30-something and I could have told you 20 pages ago that Oliver Twist it would remain, but I am still reading it to read it, and maybe keep it to recommend extracurricularly. (The protagonist Alva is a weeb for American culture, whatever the word is for that, which I think could make for interesting study!) But that's all context to say,

AH YES THE INTERNET RABBIT HOLE OF NARUTO FAN FICTION, HENTAILORD. WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.

SO...

BLEACH MENTION WHEN????

Based on the style of her screen name, the Naruto porn, and her listening to My Chemical Romance and Linkin Park, this girl is definitely living her teenage life in the mid-00s, in ways that are searingly obvious. Which feels like it should be a massive success in terms of using verisimilitude to pinpoint a particular time and place and, by extension, person. But I don't think it does?

In thinking about why this doesn't work for me as a reader:

1. As a general rule, I tend not to enjoy "fandom" subculture references like this in fiction, because they have never felt true to my experience of fandom, or even my experience of others' experiences of fandom. The specificity is there but not the verisimilitude. Whether this is because of an inability to articulate the breath of life that animates fandom spaces, or a feeling of needing to at least kind of translate it for the uninitiated general audience, I don't know. Not that Alva's narrative goes far enough to merit this discussion; she's just reading Naruto porn for one sentence, but it just doesn't land right for me. (Sidebar, this is probably also why I don't enjoy acafandom or fandom essays that aspire to acafandom; there's usually this attempted, manufactured critical/"objective" distance from the text that often feels performative, or at least the wrong [or less interesting] tool for the job. And even where 'in-group' positionality is addressed, the translation required to make these things legible to the out-group is just--well, not what I want in life, I guess!)

2. I am a great believer in drawing greatly from what you know and feel and all those random thoughts and behaviors and emotions and tics that make life interesting, and giving them to fiction. In fanfic especially, I am a great believer in seeing the author's hands in a text, making the story (and the original canon) unmistakably theirs. But I kind of always want them to be hands that are in the act of giving. By which I mean, I think there's a difference between all these things existing in a story and having been given to a character or a world or a story, and integrated genuinely into them.

Like, all I can think about while reading this book is how the author definitely lived through the mid-00s in a particular and very familiar way. Rather than create a richly immersive world, the details jump out of the page and leave the story behind. They don't feel like they belong to Alva (or perhaps Alva does not feel like a character with the depth to hold them and make them hers). They belong do the author, and to me, and to history, but Alva falls out of the equation. And if this is going to work, I feel like Alva can't fall out of the equation.

3. I was talking to a friend about something similar a few months ago. She was complaining about a historical fiction book she was reading with a book club she leads at the library she works at--how it was clearly very well-researched, but dry as hell. The information was not animated by the story itself. And I compared it to a fanfic I'd (not) read, where the author was very proud of all the research they'd done and how accurate-to-life its setting was. (To be clear, I'm not subtweeting Bleach fandom. Completely different fandom! Also this fanfic was published like 16 years ago.) The fic did bring in lots of specific details about trees and highways and city names--things I knew well, too, because it was set where my sister lives--but rather than be as exciting and, again, rich, as I feel like that familiarity could have been, it all felt dead. Because all these things were described specifically, but not true to how the narrating characters would describe them, or mentally catalogue them, or experience them.

And you might think, well, how would we possibly know how a character thinks about highways? It's not like he's explained this in canon. And I'd say, well, you definitely can. There are probably a lot of different ways a character could plausibly think about highways, depending on the specific shade and flavor of your characterization of them, all equally believable; but it's got to be part of the equation. There are a lot of ways to be right, and you know it when it's wrong. The wrong-est way it can be is for the way they think about highways to not factor into the way those dang highways are being described by them, in their POV.

4. I think about this both as a reader and as a writer--certainly more often as a writer, because I find that level of imagining a character's headspace the VERY best part of the process, and also because I am often concerned I am not doing it, or at least not well, lol. I'm positive I've done all the things I've just talked about not enjoying.

These concerns exist at the level of characterization work in general, but also at that level of, is the wizard behind the green curtain? Are his hands giving? Because while I do write fanfic because "it is fun" and because "this idea interests me," I am also usually writing it to work through deeply personal emotions/experiences. Which again, perhaps selfishly, I support that. But from a craft perspective I don't want it to feel, transparently, like "oh lol this author is going through it."

Moreover, from a relational perspective, I don't want that to be the relationship between me as author and the characters. Because one thing I am ALWAYS writing fanfic to do is to indulge my feelings about how much I am in complete, rapturous love with the characters and worlds in question. I don't want to just place things upon them, like a film or shroud; I want them to be given, integrated, arriving in the text wholly in their bodies and in their minds and entirely theirs. And I mean this for both the emotional arcs and conflicts and the random tics and details. I want them to have been given, and to belong, and to feel completely and inextricably theirs.

So, those are my thoughts about mid-00s Naruto porn!!!

I'd love to hear others' perspectives, as readers or writers or both. Have you had similar reactions, or quite different? Why do you write, and what do you want? What's your template for how you think about characterization, or your writerly relationship to canon/characters?

[lunanoc]

first tentative meta post about wu xie my beloved, more specifically about his characterization in his less than stellar moments, sparked by a discussion with @thelaithlyworm about whether or not the lost tomb 2.5 is in character for wu xie according to the books. i figured i'd take the rest of my thoughts to a separate post since our exchange was clogging up poor OP’s replies, and because i feel like a difference in opinion like this is worth being made public if only so people can get both sides of a rare discussion about the books and reach their own conclusions, so for those who are interested here’s a link to the original post where this discussion takes place in the replies if you'd like the full context. sorry in advance for how long this will likely be, and i hope there's no problem with me directly tackling some of the arguments that were made in favor of lost tomb 2.5 being an accurate adaptation of book wu xie's characterization, which is a take i strongly disagree with

i think much of the problem in the discussion simply lies in the fact that we seem to have fundamentally different interpretations of wu xie’s character in the books, because as i see it, none of the insistences that were quoted prove that wu xie has ever acted the way he does in 2.5 in the books—if anything, they disprove it. the quote from ch. 92 of sand sea that was brought up goes as follows:

this is where i believe the problem of different interpretations is at play, and to be fair some of it is ambiguous so there is some leeway, but i read this recollection very differently from how @thelaithlyworm seems to. as i see it, wu xie is recalling a time where pangzi, understandably concerned about his friend because he sees the toll the sha hai plan is taking on wu xie, and the lengths he’s having to go to in order to set it in motion, tells him it’s not too late to stop and turn back. to which wu xie replies that even if he had decided to stop and live his life blissfully unaware of the extent of the wangs' reach and their machinations, things would have caught up to him eventually given they’d infiltrated the jiumen to the extent they had.

“and at that time you’ll have already left me one by one, leaving me to foolishly face those fists” is the most ambiguous as to what exactly it's referring to, but i personally see it as referencing either the fact wu xie and his friends would have by then eventually drifted apart or they'd have stopped giving him their support should he have decided to ignore the truth and sit around doing nothing, or more sinisterly, would have potentially all been replaced by then if there hadn't been a plan in motion. it's likely a little bit of both. to which pangzi replies that he’s right, conceding and agreeing that wu xie never truly had a choice about his involvement to begin with, which is more or less the entire point of sand sea and the wider narrative of the main story.

no part of this conversation is reminiscent of the open conflict between them in 2.5 in that neither of them here are angry, and neither of them are even aggressive or antagonistic towards each other or in general. this is quite a calm if resigned conversation wu xie is recalling that also fits the overall cynical tone of the chapter itself, and wu xie’s certainly not acting out and pushing his friends away in a bid to deal with everything himself. if anything the entire point of sand sea is to show that despite each character acting independently, the sha hai plan only succeeded because they worked together and not alone, and that wu xie needed his support system to create an invisible yet tangilble network that could take down the wangs. so no part of this particular passage reads as though pangzi is saying he ever considered bailing on wu xie because of his behavior, and even if that were the case, it would still be referring to a hypothetical situation and not their current one.

wang meng's behavior in ten years later is also not the greatest example to use as an argument to prove 2.5 wu xie’s characterization is present in the books, mostly because it's actually wang meng himself who's more so the one acting like that than wu xie himself. wang meng, in his concern for wu xie, tries to guilt trip him into letting go of his obsession with xiaoge, and he is the one who instigates a conflict with wu xie that culminates in him staging xiaoge's "death" as a last ditch effort once spewing bottled up vitriol at wu xie and threatening to take over wushanju don't work.

it's however misguided at best given that not only did all of wu xie's close friends who participated in the sha hai plan agree to do so willingly (i’m of course not talking about li cu and co among others who very much did not consent) and so accusing wu xie of having coerced them takes away from their own agency, but the sha hai plan was a necessity beyond freeing xiaoge, which is something wang meng fails to understand. wang meng makes the mistake many people in the fandom do of pinning wu xie’s determination to see that plan through solely on his desire to free xiaoge, and of course that’s an important part of it, but the narrative makes a point of building up over the course of the main books and tibetan sea flower that wu xie’s entire family was at stake as well, and had been for several generations, so on a personal level it went beyond xiaoge alone. but again, whatever truth there is to wang meng’s words (which is an interesting but entirely different topic) still doesn’t make it true that wu xie was either actively petty or vitriolic towards his friends as a way to vent his own frustrations.

several moments in which wu xie objectively does terrible things or acts horribly were listed as a way of justifying that his behavior in 2.5 is in character and in line with how he acts in the books. and of course these moments do happen, and it's very true in sand sea especially that wu xie does terrible things (it's part of what makes him such an interesting character). but again, this argument feels somewhat in bad faith in that it conflates all negative behavior and traits together regardless of what specific shape those negative behaviors take in order to justify that his portrayal in 2.5 is faithful to the books simply because he displays negative behavior in that adaptation, completely disregarding that his less than stellar actions and emotions aren't expressed in the same ways in the books and in 2.5. my dislike of wu xie in 2.5 doesn't stem from him doing unlikeable things, otherwise i wouldn't like wu xie as a character in general. wu xie absolutely does do a lot of terrible things in sand sea especially, but the inherent problem with 2.5 is that none of the things he does or the way he acts in the books ever lines up with the specific way he acts in 2.5. 

in the books, even before sand sea, yes wu xie is manipulative (re: threatening bodily harm to himself to force wu erbai into sharing information with him), yes he cut up bodies and sent them to li cu among other extremely morally questionable things, yes he kidnapped li cu and made him go through literal hell, and likely did much the same to other people before him (hence the seventeen scars on his arm). he has and continues to have even in recent book canon re: yucun biji the ability and will to inflict permanent psychic damage on people he deems to be deserving of it or a threat. he’s by no means perfect or even overly kind, and if someone were to say that a number of the earlier drama adaptations especially soften his character and make him much more wide-eyed and innocent than he actually is in the books, i would absolutely agree with them. i would also agree if someone said that gap in characterization is why some people don’t like him much in the sand sea drama. but the fact is for all the negative traits and behavior he displays at varying points in the books, none of them are ever expressed in the very specific way they are in 2.5.

@thelaithlyworm rightfully mentions wu xie's ptsd as justification for much of his more "toxic" reactions to things, and his ptsd is incredibly important in understanding how wu xie works as a character and what his experiences have forged him into, to the point it's a topic that deserves its own in-depth post. but saying we have different definitions of what ptsd is is both accurate to the complex nature of ptsd, and a bit disingenious because of the complex nature of ptsd, because the emotional dysregulation and impaired decision-making it entails won’t necessarily manifest in the same ways in different people.

in 2.5 wu xie, ptsd manifests in the form of vitriol and anger he directs at pretty much everyone in his immediate vicinity, more especially pangzi, because it has no other outlet in that situation than outwards. and i’m not saying ptsd expressing itself like that never happens, because it very much does. what i'm saying is that book wu xie's ptsd, while very real, doesn't manifest in the way it does in 2.5 wu xie.

in book wu xie, ptsd manifests in much more internalized ways, and so he’s far more prone to directing the anger and pent-up emotions inwards through self-harm, both mental and physical (i.e. the scars on his arm, his persistent self-hatred, etc.), and the emotional dysregulation very often comes not in the form of chaotically expressed emotions, but rather abnormal lack of them, as arguably wu xie's bad coping mechanism is emotional dissociation, and when the emotions are truly too strong to be distanced from, they come out in the form of panic attacks he often doesn’t recognize as such (i.e. when he finds xiaoge and believes he’s dead in book 8, or when he has flashbacks on their way to motuo in yucun traveling notes) or of general breakdowns (i.e. wu xie stays numb once xiaoge disappears behind the gate up until he starts crying in the street once he returns to hangzhou).

it’s incredibly rare that wu xie’s trauma directs itself outwards towards his loved ones, and while he might do so in his head quite frequently (which we the readers see since most of the books are from wu xie's point of view), it's rare he actually externalizes it, and since his comments can only lead to conflict if they're extrernalized, there's rarely ever genuine conflict between him and his friends. one of the only times it happens with pangzi specifically is in tibetan sea flower were he makes an honestly cruel dig at pangzi about yuncai because pangzi’s withheld information about xiaoge from him:

but even this scene, which is the closest to anything that's portrayed in 2.5 between them, plays out differently, not only because wu xie knows very well he’s going too far, his mention of yuncai isn't solely an outlet for his anger. he’s very consciously trying to bait pangzi into telling him what he knows, and so aims at where he knows will hurt most. it's targeted and mean because it's meant to be, but it's also not a gratuitious outlet either unlike his comments are more often than not in 2.5. it's manipulation, and he's certainly not trying to push pangzi away, nor is it driving a wedge between them despite how uncalled for his comment it. and more importantly, pangzi once again proves himself to be the most emotionally stable of the iron triangle by not stooping to that level or making light of the conversation. he knows perfectly well what wu xie is doing, so any conflict is diffused before it can even take root, and stays an isolated incident, whereas in 2.5, conflict is an underlying theme.

ironically there are more examples of this type directed at xiaoge, but even those don't showcase the same blind anger or gratuitous meanness that 2.5 wu xie consistently displays, and it's that specifically that's out of character. while wu xie vents his frustrations at xiaoge in book 4 over being kept in the dark, he's more serious about it than angry, and very quickly realizes his foot-in-mouth comment and backtracks accordingly:

he's at his most openly angry with xiaoge at the end of book 8 when xiaoge leaves them all in banai, and even goes as far as trying to have xiaoge detained by qiu dekao in a last ditch effort to force him to stay (which in itself is the real manifestation of him not being able to control his emotions correctly and reason going out the window where xiaoge is concerned, and it only ever really happens in relation to xiaoge, but that's also a topic for another post):

but again, while he's visibly angry and upset, and is looking for support from others around him to validate his upset at xiaoge leaving, he never actually spews any vitriol at xiaoge himself despite his anger being obvious, never actually calls him names outside of his own head despite the rare quality of his anger, never tries to instigate conflict for the sake of venting his overflowing emotions, nor does he ultimately stop xiaoge from leaving. even later as he follows xiaoge up changbai mountain, his desperation eventually turns into resignation and acceptance, not venting.

this post is way too long, but my entire point here as it has been from the start of this discussion is that while wu xie in the books does get angry, he does have ptsd, it does manifest in the ugliest ways and he's certainly not an angel, his anger in general never veers into extended open conflict or gratuitous vitriol thrown at his loved ones as a misguided form of venting his own emotions like it does throughout the vast majority of lost tomb 2.5, just like a number of the conflicts he gets into with other characters stem from out of character reactions from those characters to begin with (i.e. xiao hua absolutely losing it over wu xie hiding wu sanxing's betrayal of xie lianhuan in 2.5 vs. this information being very casually received in book 7). and that's where my point of contention with that adaptation lies.

i feel as though this is a case of agreeing to disagree as far as interpretation of wu xie's character goes, and that's absolutely fine, but in the same way that it's alright to dislike things simply because, it's equally as alright to like things for the same reasons. it's fine to like lost tomb 2.5, and my opinion of it is purely my own, but liking it doesn't necessarily have to be rooted in whether it's adapting the books correctly, even if it can be.

my dislike of 2.5 stems from how i consider it to be out of character by comparison to the books, and my entire point here has been to explain that different interpretations of any particular source material can exist, and therefore yes, it's entirely possible to view 2.5 wu xie as out of character, just as it's entirely possible to dislike that adaptation for the same reason. and i'm far from the only person to have this interpretation. so no, my dislike of 2.5 doesn't come from not liking it when wu xie’s doing unlikeable things, or else i wouldn't like wu xie as a character, nor is it because i don’t understand what ptsd is given the particular ways in which it can manifest from one specific person to another

[thornvault]

Animal Companion let's go!

I've been wanting to give Kali a cat from day 1 so here she is! Meet Obi (short for Obsidian, no relation to the Star Wars guy. Or the German hardware store).

Originally I considered going with the cat from the concept art but it just didn't suit Kali, it didn't feel right. All I could find about that kitty is a bad quality pinterest repost that claims his name as Charo (which is a top tier name if you look up the meaning) and he belongs to Amaya, so you know what, I'm keeping that. That does imply Magnifico is specifically attracted to cat people but tbh it's funny.

Kali found Obi at their lowest point, shortly after losing their family. Obi was a tiny mess of a kitten, alone and mewling for help; the cat mother had lost her life too. Kali and Obi took care of each other and gave each other strength to keep going no matter how bad things got, all the way until they made their way to Rosas.

Now Obi lives as a spoiled royal castle pet, usually napping in the royal study while Kali is working. She's just a regular cat with no special abilities, but she and Kali have a strong bond regardless, and Obi provides great emotional support (though she does knock over beakers on occasion). I did make her a black cat as an intentional "witch's familiar" reference (also, I like to imagine people as cats, you know, as one does, and Kali is a black cat to me too. So of course their best friend cat had to be black).

When Kali begins to study and rewrite forbidden magic Obi becomes their tether, the thing they focus on to keep their mind from being corrupted. It's hard to turn evil when a cat is purring on your lap. Obi seems to know when they've been staring at the pages for too long and will sit on the book and demand their attention (and food).

Obi's collar is adorned with protective charms and spells much like Kali's earring. Kali isn't actually sure if animals can be corrupted, but considering how often Obi sits on top of the book they'd rather not risk it.

Magnifico doesn't really strike me as an animal person, so I feel like he'd be rather neutral towards her/tolerate her because Kali loves her but he doesn't know how to interact with her. It's just... a cat. Okay, sure, fine, why not. If it makes them happy. Next thing you know him and Obi are cuddling on the couch taking a nap together.

[umbry-fic]

Time, Ever Passing

Summary: Yoshi Nanase, and the endless passage of time.

Fandom: 1bitHeart Characters: Nanase "Nanashi" Yoshi Rating: G Word Count: 1825 Mirror Link: AO3 Original Post Date: 29/09/2024

Notes+Warnings: Spoilers for the game! This is a short piece with a non-linear narrative and copious amounts of river of time references.

~~~

Nanashi had never been fully aware of the ability he'd been born with. Viewing the world as a series of numbers that could be cracked through some quick calculations had always been the norm for him. He had no reason to believe that others were different, that the lens that was permanently slid over his vision did not exist for everyone else.

It made him quieter, for he didn’t see the need for conversation when he could glean information at a single glance. Perhaps it was a little off-putting to others, even to his parents, but he didn't see anything wrong with that. That was simply his world. Thus he continued to grow, consuming information at an increasingly rapid pace as he swam eagerly down the river of time, keeping pace with the gentle current.

The first time he realised that he was considered abnormal, that this gift he had taken for granted could do harm just as easily as it could go good, was on his seventh birthday.

At that age, he'd only had one friend, the others not wanting to bother with the quiet child who stared at them for minutes on end. A friend whose name he could no longer recall. (A lie for he never forgot anything, every single scrap of knowledge burrowing into the corners of his mind, but he'd buried that name under years and years of regrets.)

“Nanase! Will you come with me?” His friend had grinned, bouncing on the balls of their feet as they'd taken his hand with no hesitation, as only children could.

“To the surprise birthday party!” he’d said without a second thought, grinning as well. The image of the cake floating in his friend’s mind seemed delicious, and his mouth had already begun to water.

To his utter shock, his friend did not respond with a cheer. Instead, tears started welling up in their eyes. “I… I spent so long preparing, and you…”

They fled, then, leaving Nanase alone in the hallway, unable to comprehend what had just happened, something uncomfortable squirming in his stomach.

By the next day, he thought it would have blown over, that it was all just a misunderstanding and they could return to being friends. But they never looked his way again.

(It was only years later that he would understand that he had ruined the surprise, that they must have thought he'd known all along and yet continued to let them make a fool of themselves. After they'd both grown up, perhaps they would be able to laugh about it. But at such a young age, everything just seemed bigger.

That was true of him, too, considering the memory never left him. A stone permanently dropped in the river, carried along by the rapids.)

~~~

Nanashi blinked at the girl patiently standing on his doorstep, face as serious as ever, hands primly folded before her.

“Come on in, Misane,” he mumbled, ushering her in. After the first few times that she'd turned up without prior notice in front of his door, he'd started keeping the living room clean, finally clearing all the detritus that had piled up over the months of working on his secret project.

He still didn't understand why she was here. Sure, she had trouble connecting with others as well due to her somewhat cold countenance, but nowhere near the extent he did. Surely she must have realised that no matter how kind he acted, it couldn’t cover up how odd and disgusting he was. But she was still here.

She was still here.

“How's the time machine going?” she asked after a few rounds of easy conversation. His lips twitched at the faint blush that dusted her cheeks as he retrieved her emptied cup and turned away.

“Good,” he answered, pouring her a new cup of tea. “Should be complete within the next two weeks.”

Her crush on him wasn't hard to pick up, no matter how she tried to obscure it. It was funny, thinking that anyone could have feelings for him, especially a girl 8 years his junior. But it's not like he could blame her.

Love was an irrational emotion, even if it could also be translated into numbers. It interrupted regular sequences and threw wrenches into his calculations that he had to take time to untangle. If he had been younger, his heart just a little lighter, he might have returned these irrational feelings of hers.

Now, he could only think that it was the one thing keeping her in his life, anchored to his stagnant passage along a river that had started to dry up.

~~~

Nanashi tried. To be a better friend, a better person, someone who people would want to talk to. As the years passed and he shot up in height, he did his best, practising speeches in front of the mirror and shoving away anything that could be considered off-putting.

But, inevitably, he would slip, falling back on the numbers that ran effortlessly below his fingertips. And his friends would recoil and pull away, until he was left all alone again.

There came a day when he simply chose to give up, dropping out of school and secluding himself in his apartment. It's not like anyone would miss him. And this way, he didn’t need to watch his every word to avoid stepping on a minefield. This way, he couldn't hurt anyone.

And it wasn't all bad. An estranged cousin barged into his life, heralding hot chocolate that warmed the tongue and quieted his errant thoughts, together with a listening ear that was always there for him.

Drifting aimlessly down the river… He couldn't call it lonely.

~~~

Nanashi hadn't been expecting to see Misane here, in the past. Puppy love was one thing, but the dedication to follow him through a machine that he had no guarantees worked was something else.

He couldn't understand it, not at all.

So he smiled blandly at her, glad when she deflected the question he was expecting her to ask, shying away from the truth without any input from him.

It was bizarre, watching her interact with his past self. A past self that he remembered from years of loneliness that never abated, a time when he'd shut out everyone else and thrown himself into working on the Master Program in a bid to do some good with the ability he had.

Perhaps, at this age, he mused, he could have fallen in love with her. And perhaps that could have changed the trajectory of his life.

But he’d already changed it, by being here in the first place. The future he came from had already been destroyed, rended to nothing by his own hands. Treating his past self with kindness, not wishing to add to the abject fear and loneliness that had clung to his back during this time, even though the one he hated most was -

There was nothing much else he could do but continue on towards his goal, watching with careful eyes as the river split around a fork that had not been there before.

~~~

At some point, he must have guessed that Mikado was his future self, for he couldn’t muster much shock when it was revealed. It made sense. Too much sense.

He could see himself turn into Mikado as the deceptively peaceful water eroded his spirit and dulled his hope even further. Doing everything that Mikado had done, for the sake of fulfilling a dream he'd nurtured for so long, to finally do something good. All of that was not surprising.

What did surprise him was the spark of warmth that had lit in his heart over the past week. Talking to others, learning about them, making friends… They were all things he never thought he would be able to do again, and it made him feel as if he was cradling a bright star in his hands - a fragile hope, with a light that could still be extinguished if he did not care for it.

Even a freak like him could be warm in this world.

The spark ignited into a small flame when Misane embraced him outside the control room, sobbing.

Telling her not to care, not to worry… That was only what he'd deluded himself into believing. All along, he'd been selfish. All he’d ever wanted to be loved. And he’d found people who would love him for who he was, so long as he himself continued to make an effort to reach out to them.

He could see himself doing all that Mikado had done. But he no longer had a desire to.

And so it was simple enough to tell Mikado to stop. He knew how he processed his own thoughts, and they weren't quite that different yet.

Mikado wouldn't understand why he was doing this, but he would stop. And so he did, departing with Misane as quickly as they had arrived, leaving the apartment more empty and quiet than it had been before.

The thought that Mikado would never understand made him unbearably sad, but he knew the sharp emotion would fade with time, though he refused to let go of it. The future that had once been set in stone would no longer come to be - the river’s course had been permanently diverted as it ran down a hill, and it could never flow back up it. And he would work as hard as he could to protect the one that Misane had gifted him.

Waiting, waiting…

~~~

Years passed. He fell out of love with a girl he had known for a week, knowing he would see her again and truly be able to get to know her this time. He broke his heart multiple times, but kept going. Time would pass, and the scars would fade.

Working on the new Master Program, he met Misane’s father, who rarely talked about her, but did enough to reassure him that she still existed in this altered timeline. His own memories wavered sometimes, her hazy image dissipating completely. He would grasp onto the wisps with all of his might, slowly piecing them back together with more and more pieces missing each time.

Perhaps she wouldn't remember him at all, those memories of a bygone time completely erased by her own impulsive actions. But even then, he would simply smile, greet her cheerfully, and keep moving forward. Time would pass, and one day, he would no longer feel the pain. There were so many open arms where he could seek comfort now, explaining the emotions tumbling through his heart regardless of the obscured truth.

On a clear, sunny day, eight years after a girl with blue hair turned up in his futon, he sat down on a bench in a park, smoothing his pants out and uncrinkling the well-worn letter in his lap.

In the distance, a familiar face approached.

He smiled.

“Nice to see you again, Misane!”

[jimmyaquino]

My heart has broken in pieces. One of my best pals John Cassaday passed away last night. 52. Way too young. I'm fucking devastated. I've been waiting to post anything as I was trying to find the right words. Plus, I was digging up old photos. Still so many to go through. I may ramble a bit so please bear with me. 

I was at the hospital when he peacefully passed away and I got to say goodbye beforehand. I heard about his hospitalization (I wont go into details on what happened) on Wednesday and went to the hospital every day before work. I would go into his room each time and just chat with him. I randomly texted him last Monday night, 

“Hello! I just wanted to say hi and send some mad Jimmy love. Careful. It’s spicy!”  He replied at 10:46pm with “Love you back!” And as I found out later from his girlfriend Tara, he was taken to the hospital about an hour or so later. Some small solace that my final text was one of mutual love. 

Yesterday, I went into his room and spent some time with him and said good-bye just a couple of hours before he was no longer with us. I gave as much love as I could, mentioning as many as I remembered. And I know this may seem silly, but when I held his hand, I felt a small twitch. I know it”s just an unpredictable body thing but I’ll take it. As you can imagine, I’m a wreck and have been openly bawling off and on. He is my best friend. And that’s what’s great. He is a lot of people's best friend. He is so loved. And even though we may not have hung much as we used to, we always stayed in touch. Always there if I needed.

I first met John back in 2002 through a friend. She had told me about him and of course, I knew who he was from his comic work. Needless to say, we rapidly hit it off. Almost immediately started hanging out. We notoriously hit all the Hell's Kitchen spots (I lived there and he liked hanging there) til the wee hours for years. He introduced me to so many people and a bunch of us would hang out all the time. (Looking at you Paul Pope and John Lucas). That was the thing about John. As said, I was one of his best pals. But I know a lot of people were. Lucas and I were reminiscing last night about how he jokingly passed the Cassaday "best friend" mantle on to me when he moved out of NYC. Cass was so loved and admired by everyone. He always wanted me to meet other friends he knew and would tell me all about them. As I know he would tell them about me. He wanted us all to be one big family of friends. 

I started doing the podcast with Joe Gonzalez in 2005 and John was so supportive. He'd come to the anniversary live recordings as either a guest or just to hang and support. My first San Diego Comic Con was that year and he introduced me to big name friends of his and asked if they'd let us interview them. He'd always tell his friends, "Jimmy's got this terrific new podcast. You gotta go on it". We were always together at SDCC over the years. So much so that if we weren't together at the moment, people would promptly ask me "Where's John?" I loved it! For years, we'd either be on the same flight in or try to land at similar times and then a friend would take us straight to In N Out. 

Besides comics, we shared our love for quite a few things. One of them being the movie It's A Wonderful Life. It's my fave film of all time. And John loved it so much as well. We'd talk about it, quote it, reference it, etc. A couple of years ago, he got me an incredible birthday gift. It's one of those old movie lobby cards that were displayed in movie theater lobbies back in the day. And yes, this one was from back in the 1940's when the movie was released! I had it framed and it's been on my wall ever since. Along with an original art piece from his Astonishing X-Men run he gifted me for another birthday years ago. 

So many favorite memories with him. A few random ones: 1). Me, him and Lucas hit a comedy show back in the day and all 3 of us had our long hair and one comedian kept referring to us as the "cast of The Sopranos". 2). Nick Barrucci got us a limo from NYC to Philly to celebrate John's birthday for one weekend. Fun weekend of food/drinks/clubs/etc. 3). One SDCC, he grabbed my flask usually full of whiskey (I had substituted it w/ an amaro) and did a literal spit take onto my white tie. 4). He refused to get a cell phone for a long time and would have people call/text me when we were out. Sometimes a famous friend or 2 and I'd be like "(insert celeb name here) just called me!" I eventually took him to get his first one. 5). He became friends with Nathan Fillion and brought him to my bar one night. I got off early and the 3 of us had A NIGHT of food/drinks til about 8am when we left the after hours pub. 

I have so many memories and so many pictures to share. Perhaps I will start to share them soon. 

Also, he'd love that he's being talked about in the same space as the great James Earl Jones whom we also lost on Monday. Legends both.

I can't say enough about his girlfriend of 10 years Tara. She was a warrior throughout all of this. While I fielded some calls/texts/messages and helped inform people, she was doing it tenfold. So much love to her and John's family. Some of his cousins came down and it was lovely to spend time with them.

An IAWL quote: "All you can take with you is that which you've given away." And John gave away so much love. 

I'm devastated. The grief comes in waves. But I will spread the Cassaday love forever. Happy to share any stories and love seeing all of yours. He was a love virus. An incredibly talented, kind, generous, loving, loyal friend. I will never forget you, Johnny boy. You changed my life for the better. 

[monstrouslyobsessed]

still working on a thing and ima try and throw up another concept or hc later today tomorrow~now ima answer some asks < 3

tw: n'sfw subjects, kink talks, pregnancy(-related) mentions

What blogs and writers(ones that do dark romance stuff) do you recommend? —anonymous

i get this question a lot tbh, i should think about adding to faq, but uhhhhh, depends on what you're looking for. original or fandom? most of my mutuals, friends, and writers i liked/found write genshin, jojo, and other popular fandoms.

if original works only, i haven't found many, no, and tumblr ain't great with their rec feed (99% time they're fandom only).

@dear-yandere (she's not active, but i love her works sm) made a post you can look through! linky link

Favorite kinks to write in your opinion? —anonymous

uhm, i'm sure you can tell with most of my works lol but ig i can explain why i like a certain few. rest tho, i just like them lol

pregnancy / pregnancy sex / oviposition, im actually a touch tokophobic irl, but in writing, its not so much on for children (they're cute though) but because it's the near-total loss of control over one's body, if that makes sense. as its my thing to write the darling losing control to their possessive spouse, pregnancy is one of my go to.

monster dick(s), because we could use some variety in our d's lol human d's is good too though ofc

stomach bulge / cumflation, p similar to pregnancy in some ways, the darling loses the sense of losing their body to the other. (pseudo?) body destruction, really.

size differences, because i want to be picked up and be carried sometimes

yeah, most of the kinks i listed here had to do with the loss of control.

YES I CAN U BACK DEAR 💕💕💕💕 —anonymous

that was painful;; so glad to be back!! 💕

Yoo have you seen the movie called the descent? If you have, what do u think of the monsters!! —anonymous

uhmmmm, the name didn't ring a bell...google time!

oh waittttt, i vaguely remembered this one. this was based on dante's inferno, wasnt it? after checking the monsters, yes hi.

i prefer they'd bathe first though lol but i'd be down for them! pretty simplistic in design, reminded me of buffy the vampire slayer's vampires, actually! think buffy was one of the earliest monsters i can remember really liking as a wee lad.

So, have you read the Neonomicon? I saw it on one of your posts. I actually read the thing online and I immediately fell in love with the Deep One too despite the noncon. Is that weird? —anonymous

are you referring to the one i did where the darling had to watch the world burn in the palm of cthulhu?

thats the only one i can recall of ever doing, but on reading the neonomicon, no! you're talking about the comic series one? i don't generally read american comics because of how weird they organized their issues, but if its not long and good, then i'll be happy to check it out!

and nah, not weird at all imo. humans are drawn to things we simply don't understand, and as long as you are not harming yourself or anyone else, its fine to indulge. we all find appeals in certain things others don't and that's perfectly normal. most of the monsters i liked as a kid were actually violent and murderous so.....yeah. im literally one of the last people who should judge you , dear nonnie.

just know that youre far from being alone though! heck you'll find many n'sfw artworks and other contents of the deep ones and other monsters if you know where to look.

Dude I've been binging all your pyramid head works and I love them sm!! Would u be writing more for him in the future? —anonymous

mmmaybe? like i do have a couple of ideas, but nothing too concrete. one idea involved the reader being, well, the mother of monsters and the butcher would probably become more monstrous over time because of the silent hill related plot reasons. thing is, the reader wouldn't know there were changes at all, being too addicted to the butcher's to pay attention. I'm being very vague on this one because...idk how to communicate the story yet, if at all.

the other one might involve incest though, because of the monsters the reader birthed cooperating with the butcher, under the god's order. this one is just...a concept more than anything though because tentacles are fun.

otherwise, its just straight pron with the butcher. I'm glad you liked him tho! &lt;3

now to work on things...inbox is always open tho~!

[baconpncakes]

oh. my. gosh. your house episode is so intriguing i really want it right now actually LMAOO

i want to know how you came up with everything actually im so so enthralled

Omg I'm so glad you asked ✨

Putting this under the cut bc it's long-winded lol

My sister (who has never seen an entire episode of House but I send her stuff from it and about it all the time) said that there should be an episode where House is taking care of a drunk Wilson and it's all very amusing until Wilson kisses him. House kisses back, but then he actually processes Oh Shit Wilson Just Kissed Me. The next morning House probes Wilson and it turns out he doesn't remember the kiss. House goes to Thirteen to talk about it and see what she makes of it. Here's where the quote came from lol. Then we said that Wilson would talk to Cuddy about how House was being weird and she'd say "Go talk to him. I have work to do." Eventually they'd get to the point where House asks "Why did you kiss me?" over and over and Wilson just keeps responding with "I was drunk!" and "I don't know!" and "Just drop it, House." until one or both of them finally snaps.

So I sent my sister a fake episode summary, with the elements that she presented and a case, which I made up: a drunk and 'irresponsible' patient to parallel drunk and irresponsible Wilson!

To do the summary I'd come up with a title (I looked at a couple songs but none of them felt quite right, then I realized I could use a Teardrop lyric and it was too perfect) and I needed my sister to know how clever I was for the it, so I wrote a little explanation, like they have on the wiki.

Then I thought, if I'm doing that I might as well also do the "major events" section of the wiki!

So I determined that I HAD to make it into actual fake wiki screenshots, which meant filling out some gaps.

For the timeline, I thought: House and Wilson have been drunk together tons of times. Why is this different? And figured that it would probably be different if saaay Wilson had just proposed to House after he pretended the two were a couple. Certainly enough to bring kissing House to the forefront of his mind. And THEN I looked at the episode scheduling and there was a week off between the original airing of The Down Low and the following episode Remorse, so it fit right in the middle!

For the diagnosis I actually went to Web MD, typed in the symptoms I thought the patient should have and went through the results until I found some that might work, then I picked the one that seemed like it'd be the best for the show. It also happened to be a condition that might come with personality changes, which plays further into the whole Wilson Was Drunk He Didn't Actually Mean It angle.

I went through a bunch of s6 directors and writers to see what episodes they worked on and who I thought would fit best.

And then I needed guest stars! The episode would have aired in 2010, and I wanted someone who would have been about 21, so I looked up "actresses born in 1989" and decided on Brie Larson. Then she needed a friend, so I looked up "actors born in 1988" and went with Nicholas Braun. Then Brie Larson needed a mom so I chose another birth year and went with Calista Flockhart (who's in one of my favorite movies). All of the actors I chose were people who felt could have been in House. Like if I watched an episode and a young Brie Larson or Nicholas Braun was there, I wouldn't be surprised. I also needed to name them, so I picked random names and then searched the wiki to make sure they weren't already taken lol. And Andre Braugher is there bc it's season 6 so House would talk to his therapist about what happened with Wilson and then ignore the advice to Just Talk To Him.

That just left trivia, which I was very excited about. Some of them are just details and callbacks to other episodes. The Minuteman thing is bc I chose Nicholas Braun and I knew my sister would get a kick out of it. I knew I needed a gay movie reference and But I'm a Cheerleader really felt like a movie that House would casually reference and make everyone, characters and audience, think that House is definitely queer (and we must never forget that House was actually canonically a cheerleader). And finally, since it was immediately following The Down Low and House MD loves musical theatre gay jokes, I wanted another A Chorus Line reference. I'm honestly appalled nobody had done that one before. Her nickname is literally Thirteen!

This is probably more long-winded than you expected but I spent way too long and put way too much thought into that thing lol

[astra-galaxie]

"That, dear detective, is a secret!" - Nicolas Doyle

Biographical information

Full Name: Nicolas "Nick" M. Doyle

Gender: Male

Sexuality: AroAce

Status: Deceased

Age: 63 (season 3)

Birth: 1953

Race: Human

Cause of Death: Poisoned

Nationality: British

Origin: Oxford, England

Residence: Oxford, England

Profession(s): Director of U.N.I.T.

Past profession(s): Surgeon

Affiliation(s):

U.N.I.T.

SOMBRA

Profile

Height: 5'10" Age: 63 (season 3) Weight: 195lbs Eyes: gray Blood: A-

Hailing from England, Nicolas was the Director of U.N.I.T. He was a pale-skinned middle-aged man with short salt-and-pepper hair and gray eyes hidden behind thick-rimmed black glasses. He wore a brown trench coat over a dark gray suit with a black dress shirt and a red tie.

Synopsis

Nicolas Doyle was the victim of United in Ashes.

He first appeared during the investigation of his predecessor, Ratko Kovac's death. He had become a suspect after Adalet and Frank discovered a note about the victim meeting with him before his death. In the beginning, Nicolas did not reveal his connection to U.N.I.T, but after discovering that Nicolas automatically became Director after Ratko's death, he confirmed his employment.

After Ratko's killer had been arrested, Nicolas assisted in finding the decryption key for Nathan U.N.I.T's personnel file. He would later give Nathan the injection needed to restore his vision. Once the coroner was recovered, Nioclas offered Nathan the Assistant Director position. Nathan accepted, and Nicolas moved into his new position of power.

The next time Nicolas would appear would be during United in Ashes when an undercover SOMBRA agent killed him. Nicolas had worked for SOMBRA for years after Ratko recruited him. But the organization was disappointed in how slow it took him to get them U.N.I.T resources. When Nicolas refused to expedite several shipments of U.N.I.T weapons to SOMBRA island, they decided he was weak and needed to be eliminated.

SOMBRA sent Brock Ward to kill Nicolas. They'd hoped that using Nathan's poison would divert suspicion to the Assistant Director, but they couldn't trick the Bureau. Brock succeeded in killing Nicolas, but in doing so, SOMBRA lost their strongest ally inside of U.N.I.T. And with Kavi Pandit's return from retirement, it won't be long until the rest of SOMBRA's agents are exposed and captured.

Nicolas did not imagine meeting the same fate as Ratko, but there was no hope of him surviving the poison. But SOMBRA'S decision to kill him will help lead to their downfall, something Nicolas will never see.

Organization(s)

U.N.I.T.

Rank:

Director

Assistant Director (formerly)

Story Information

First appeared: Delta Protocol

Trivia

His name is a reference to Nick Fury (Marvel) and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

A friend of mine helped me pick his first name

I'm always misspelling his last name; sometimes it's Doyle (correct), and other times it's Doyel (incorrect)

He was initially going to stay a good guy, but I decided to make him bad after I needed a traitor inside U.N.I.T

He was scared of snakes and hated how Kavi allowed Nathan to keep them in his quarters in Atlantis

He started the fire that nearly killed Oberon, Nathan, and Avi

Disclaimer: Character design was created using Rinmarugames Mega Anime Avatar Creator! I have only made minor edits to the design! Background courtesy of CriminalArtist5

Links to my stories:

The Case of the Criminal (Ao3/Wattpad) Killer Bay (Ao3/Wattpad) Where in the World are the Killers? (Ao3/Wattpad)

[morbidmary]

Over the last 8 and a half months, I have been mentally and financially abused by someone who i thought was a friend. I will not mention names nor their gender for fear of them trying to sue. There are three people involved in this story: The Abuser/Bum, the Fool, and myself. This is how I'm referring to them.

All of this started when all three of us needed a place to live. I suggested that Abuser and Fool move to my home town. They agreed, and I began looking for places to rent. Eventually, I found one that we all agreed on. The rental company pulled a couple of fast ones on us, sold our original place out from under us, and then gave us the wrong move in date. There was a rush to get Abuser down to my home town from where they had been living, only to find out our place isn't ready. So they had to stay with my mother and I, sleeping on a camping cot at the end of my bed. The first few weeks went by smoothly. Then the Abuser began to get entirely too comfortable and hit my nephew's ESA dog in the face with a twelve pack of soda, which they'd never apologized for. This angered my mother and she became very short with them. I forgot to mention that I had also gotten them a job at my work place where they began to make waves with the other employees, and they even tried to get my mother fired after I asked them not to.

Eventually, move in day came. We had to wait 4 hours after our scheduled move in time because the place wasn't ready. After we finally got most of the necessities moved in, we settled in for the night. At this point, Abuser had quit the job I had gotten them, forcing me to take out a payday loan to make ends meet, buy food and household necessities, and do laundry at the laundromat All while they did nothing. After a few weeks, Fool finally made it to our little house. They pretended not to see or acknowledge Abuser's bad behavior. This continued for months, as did the refusal of Abuser not getting a job to help out with bills. In order to make sure that the bills were paid, I had to put my own personal bills on the back burner and take out payday loans every two weeks in addition to working 4-5 double shifts every week. This took a serious toll on my mental health. During all of this, Abuser had sat at the house, not bothering to unpack or clean, causing us to end up with a mouse. After a massive argument, Abuser left with Fool to go out over the road while they worked, leaving me at a filthy house that had yet to be unpacked.

During the time they were gone, I cleaned and unpacked most of the house, setting it up so it would feel more like a home. During my time alone, I was able to keep the house spotless, caught and disposed of the mouse, and kept the bills low. When Abuser and Fool came back home from over the road, they trashed it and undid all of my hard work. Naturally, I was furious.

Fast forward a couple of months and I notice that both of my pets are skiddish and terrified of Abuser. Both of my pets are very friendly and cuddly so this behavior is very strange. I leave for work one day and come back to a hole in my bathroom wall that is the perfect shape and size as the pump on my conditioner bottle. I would like to not that I always keep it in a little red shower caddy and it would have been impossible for my dog to launch it at himself. Angry, I confronted Abuser about it, and they denied, spouting blame on my dog. After that, I never asked them to look after my pets while I was at work. As time went on, my pets both became even terrified to leave my bedroom unless I was with them. After another house argument, I left for home again, taking my pets. Unfortunately, our reprieve didn't last long as Abuser and Fool once again left to go over the road.

I returned to the house to keep and eye on things and my pets returned with me. All was well for a few weeks until they returned, once again the house was in a constant state of disarray, my pets terrified, and myself confined to my bedroom with them to provide comfort to them. It became glaringly obvious that I was not welcome in the house I'd found for us. And it became glaringly obvious that if I spoke ill of Abuser to any of our "friends" that they would all side with them, stating I was the problem. That I was the lazy one.

Then, this past Monday everything came to a head.

Abuser finally got a job but is refusing to pay their portion of the bills (rent, electricity, gas). They complained that they were sick, hadn't slept in 34 hours, and were angry that I didn't clean up the mess that they had made. They badmouthed me to our "friends", saying how living with me made them want to unalive themselves, how I was this awful money hungry person and a liar.

The unaliving comment is a trigger for me, as I had been the first in my family to find out my sister had unalived herself. I called my mother and asked her to come and get me, after Abuser went into their room. When i got off the phone with her, I texted Fool, and told him that Abuser could stay and that I would leave since I am the problem. Fool called us and demanded an explanation. Abuser gave their side and interrupted me when I tried to give mine. Abuser once again made the unaliving comment, triggered, hurt, and angry I yelled at them not to say that. They went nuclear, and screamed at me. Afraid that they'd come through my bedroom door and hurt me, I began packing. I called my mother and begged her to come and get me. K have been sleeping on her couch since.

[callistochan87]

it has been a hot minute since I did designs (or anything) for this. I know they're not super important but it's nice to have a quick and easy reference.

There's more planned but these are the main four and the others are supporting roles, so they will be...later.

Amir

look...I see you vaguely Italian Renaissance designs...I feel you...shoutout to my original inspiration, Lucas Cranach and the German princesses...but we going full on Elizabethan ruff and doublet now

sadly i have bsed a background for these that would render a codpiece unnecessary, but man. It should make an appearance. Maybe a couple decades down the road when everyone has loosened up, because no way is this not going to be canon in some way

None of this has anything to do with Amir, but there isn't much to say about Amir. He took the throne at 16 and that would be rough on anyone, because, you know, a 16 year old probably doesn't have the maturity to lead an entire country, let alone one that has historically been the powerhouse of the region. and that's not even getting into the deep and serious issues dividing the court. They're loyal to his mother (she's dead), they tolerated his father, symbol of their oppressors, so long as he changed absolutely nothing. Amir has inherited a musty old house with no ability to do anything without causing a stink, and unfortunately those stinks can get violent and messy.

what? you think they'd listen to him because, if nothing else, he can put them in jail? lol. lmao. the fact that a revolution hasn't happened yet is nothing short of a miracle

not that Amir believes in miracles or anything, but we just...don't talk about that. we all just pretend really really hard that he didn't disengage himself from the obvious religious duties required of him. it's fine (doesn't he get his authority from the chief god?) I SAID IT'S FINE

frankly retreating to hang out with his friends and neglect most of his duties is probably the only thing he can do that doesn't cause issue. which is a shame because he's an intelligent man who has some idea that things are bad and they should change society somewhat but good luck

Honestly, he's a nice kid who is just getting very frustrated with life. I think I described him once as "wants to be a knight in shining armour so BADLY" but somehow fails at that

He's in red, as he was before. I wasn't about to change that.

The other one is court robes. Since Cerlan is technically, technically occupied by the Dushebese Empire to the south, he uses Dushebese robes. Except, you know, you're not supposed to throw them over your street clothes. It's made of cloth of gold and the robe itself is pretty heavy. You're supposed to wear a light, loose robe underneath that but lol, lmao, Amir considers himself Cerlan and doesn't see why he has to wear stupid robes anyway, but FINE, if they're going to BITCH ABOUT IT he'll put it on

why is he so cranky on court days? probably because he's dying under there

Aoide/Coral

I remember first writing this in 2013 and having Coral be a mermaid was gonna be this huge surprise...which it was, but I don't feel like hiding it now. there are other things I am hiding, like how she becomes human and what that second design means but there's a design sheet at least

It wasn't that I don't like the original description of mermaids, I just see them more mammal like now, and this design fits nicely. I'd played around with using the grey from the hair as a splash of colour along the back, but I like the pure white look here. They were based off belugas and Aoide specifically is from the far north so it works.

Mermaids in general are a funny mix of biological differences and just 'they're magic'. case in point: they don't have visible breasts unless breastfeeding (biological), but they can also turn themselves human with many years of study (magic). They can also live for hundreds of years, so by their standards, age and size, Aoide is Baby

I already drew her with the kirtle before but I liked it enough to keep it with some minor variations I'm going to call regional differences

And then later on she gets sleeves! good for you baby you can afford some nice sleeves that are the same shade of red as Amir's sleeves Also her hair is up because lol, turns out your hair gets dirty and tangled and snarled if you just wear it down, and maybe all those women wearing a cap are on to something

Duja

Gonna be honest here, the way I write Duja now, doing a design is a bit pointless in the sense that he can look like anyone or anything, judging by how he disguised himself as an average person in the NaNo draft. Plus given how Dusheba has rolled up and down the continent labelling every local god as 'Duja' for decades, things tend to get muddled. Still, there are a couple "key" forms of his that would be easily recognized by most people, and this is one of those, the Wanderer or classic form: in the vein of all classical gods, a beautiful youthful figure, veiled to disguise himself from the malevolent Creator that created humans.

He also has associations with the sky and storms (storms which bring life-giving rain occasionally), which I'm sure weren't actually carried over from an more ancient form of the same god in a polytheistic pantheon, nope. there is only one god and a bunch of demons we do NOT worship. there's only Duja and the assholes trying to capture him, and they're not gods. we don't worship them

The ancient version had a bit more of a trickster streak than modern iterations, but they both have the same concept of being constantly on the run from the malevolent forces trying to punish them for giving humanity free will. The outer package only changed with the times, taking on the appearance of nomadic peoples that the people of Dusheba would've seen roaming their streets and in the desert.

Really, if you showed either one to someone from Dusheba, they'd say both were the same god, he just covers up more nowadays i wonder if that's connected to the extreme emotional repression in the Dusheba court

I'm actually mad I drew a pretty good face and then covered it all up lol. I saved a copy of the body before I added drapery thankfully. Now watch me never use it again

Michel

Michel is renowned for seeing the divine. No, not a god. Anyone can see a god if they're unlucky enough, although Michel has spent more time, willingly and knowingly, with the god Duja than anyone else.

See, Duja is just a teeny tiny part of the divine essence that actually freed humanity (sometimes called Duja the Divine, although it doesn't have a particularly physical form). It's like taking a pitcher and pouring the water in it into a cup so it can walk among the humans without issue (the humans are cups in this scenario). Duja is connected to and a part of that essence, so yes, he is divine, but the divine is bigger than him.

you might be noticing similarities to the story of the malevolent Creator that created messengers to walk among the humans it created, one of whom gave humans free will and has been on the run ever since and I tell you NO. >:[ It has absolutely nothing to do with that, this is not shifting religious beliefs over millennia, this has always been like this. >:[ The Creator? That would be like a million divines all at once, you'd be vaporized instantly. The divine, singular, is a lot easier to tolerate.

It still fucks you up though. Michel didn't get those rad white streaks because he aged. Really, I see him as in his thirties, but giving him the streaks automatically aged him. also being out in the desert and not using sunscreen, that'll age you too

anyway divine powers are great if you want to help people but a couple hundred years of people not listening to you and also horrible prophetic visions of the future that you don't dare tell anyone for fear of making them come true and it. grates on a person's nerves

frankly it's a wonder he has any nerves left

also the market for divine cures and divination isn't what it used to be but he's always done shit for free (this should be shared) so people really get huffy about giving him any sort of payment these days

also also he managed to eke out a decent living in the tail end of his glory years because Princess Marguerite, Amir's mother, hired him as a translator and go-between when Dusheba was attempting to butt their nose in again and that paid well. well enough to eat

except he got fired by Prince Amir. you know. the prince he saw as a baby being held in his mother's arms. unfortunately he's in pure survival mode so he can't really be pissed because that would take valuable energy away from finding food which is...kinda scarce these days tbh

he has absolutely punched extra holes in that belt to keep it from falling down is what I'm saying

The first image with the veil is how he's known. It's not him at his height, there the robes would be down to the floor and he'd have a fancier belt, but times are hard these days. A lot more schlepping around. Got to keep those robes somewhat clean, they're expensive. No one else wears robes these days, some 300 years later, but he finds them comfortable and can't afford anything else

The middle outfit was mostly to show off the length of his hair. In the NaNo draft he was gifted a set of travelling clothes that he decided to wear because he might be able to blend in better (I took the veil down so you could see his face but often he's wearing it covering his mouth and nose), because really, people don't look that hard. They're hunting down Michel Benoit, they're going to look for the sky blue veil because that's his thing. They're not going to spend too much time squinting at faces, and by the time they do, he's gone

The last one is what he looked like before getting his powers, back when he was a prince. The similarities between him and Amir are quite something (both Cerlandese and Dushebese ancestry, both princes, both intelligent young men who are stymied by their respective courts). I really love parallels like that. I'm writing a prequel right now about this--it kept gnawing at my mind so I wanted to write it, even if I'm not sure it's necessary. But I have a clear path for it as opposed to the actual story where I didn't, so I'm gonna go with it.

Also the pains of historical costuming (pictures). I know what I wanted it to look like, but could I find a pattern that matched? I spent way too long piecing together a not seamless pattern to look somewhat seamless just for the sake of this robe. Clip Studio doesn't have a lot of good options; whatever pattern I used for this (the bottom one) is more like what I intended, but I think that's only for Photoshop, if I could even find it now >:[ It's not even that important, I just wanted to get the general shape down and give the sense that the outer robe was luxuriously patterned but damn it, it didn't look right with a solid colour. I do this to myself ;-;

[the-single-element]

Good morning.

We've been following the story of Jesus's sermon on the shore. We've been picking apart his use of metaphorical, exaggerated stories to try to communicate the nature of the Kingdom of God indirectly, to work around our mental blocks from living so long in this world that we can't imagine another one.

When Jesus works with large crowds, this is the best he can do. He said it himself, just a couple weeks ago: it's only in a more intimate environment, with people he trusts - people who are already starting to open their eyes to the logic of the Kingdom - that he, too, can open up more, and dig into the details of what these images and allegories are meant to be hinting at.

We saw him open up to his closest associates last week. But there's another level of opening up beyond that... one that God chooses to use only rarely, and only for those especially suited for it.

It's the level where, instead of trying to explain the Kingdom, or even to demonstrate its principles in practice... God opens the curtains and shows it to us.

That's what happened to Peter, James, and John on a mountaintop: the Transfiguration, which we celebrate today.

I think part of why "mystical experiences" are so rare is because it's hard to predict whether people can handle them. They're overwhelming. They take us away from everything familiar, everything that makes sense, and drop us head-first, immersion learning style, into another world.

They're catalyzing experiences, the kind that people shrink from for fear of how they'll be changed by it. Recall the Israelites begging that Moses stand between them and the presence of God. Recall the original Isaiah, in the midst of the vision that cemented his role as a prophet, and his terror at what such a vision would do to "a man of unclean lips" like him. Even Abram, the "friend of God", when he got the sign that he asked for as proof of God's promise to him, was terrified and overwhelmed by what he was seeing.

Paul - perhaps the least prepared, at the time, of anyone who has a biblical vision like this - was struck blind by his experience. Peter was able to receive it more readily, but still had to repeat it three times in order to actually understand it.

Yet... this is the tool Jesus used, at the turning point of his ministry, to explain to his closest, most trusted friends what was really going on with him. He wanted to be that close to them - to show them, to stop beating around the bush.

He wanted to show them his relationship with God the Father, despite how unbelievable it'd be by a normal interpretation of the Shema.

He wanted to show them the conversation between old and new revelation that he alluded to, back on that shore: his ongoing discussion with the Law and the Prophets, bringing their message into a new, more complete form by what he was planning to accomplish at Passover.

He wanted to make them eyewitnesses that death is not the end: that Moses (who died) and Elijah (who entered heaven alive) somehow both made it to the same destination, the same Kingdom.

Peter is terrified, bewildered. And yet he doesn't want this moment to end. His babbled interjection into the conversation is, essentially, an attempt to offer Moses and Elijah an excuse to stay until tomorrow morning.

Thankfully, he doesn't get his wish. The vision ends, at exactly the moment that it's becoming too much for him to bear.

And Jesus is still there, offering his friends a hand up. It's still him. Yes, they might have seen him crowned with glory, yes, speaking with the holiest people from all the holy books, yes, incomprehensibly acknowledged as God's son... but it's still him.

...how long would it take them to understand what they'd seen, that day? Perhaps months, or years. Perhaps they wouldn't understand it until Pentecost, and that's why Jesus warns them not to talk about the experience too soon.

But it brought them closer. John avoided naming himself in his Good News by instead demurely referring to an unnamed "Jesus's beloved". Peter, for all his initial stumbling, went on to be the foundation of the community that carried Jesus's message forward. James was the first known martyr - perhaps the first to arrive in heaven under the new paradigm, after Jesus himself. The experience did change them, after all, and deepened their relationship with this person who was simultaneously their long-term friend and teacher, and the transcendent Lord of Heaven's Armies.

God is still reaching out to us, for us to understand him and what he's doing. He's given us the scriptures - the TaNaKh, and the Gospels. Similarly, he's given us all of the visions that his holy ones have seen and written down since then. Old and new, direct and allegorical. And the Kingdom is something we can experience, too, if we try to dig deep and touch it; the miracle of the multiplication of the loaves, which capped off Jesus's sermon at the shore, is proof by example of that.

The grace of today's message, though, goes one step beyond all that. It's a reminder that the arm Jesus is offering to us can overcome the limits of our own reach. If we can't understand - if the logic of the Kingdom is too much for us to put together in our heads and we just end up frustrated or overwhelmed - then we can turn to him, and he'll pull us back onto our feet. Give us the time we need to fill in the rest of the picture. And... if it's what we need... show us, too, in one of those faraway sacred moments just for us, like he's shown so many of his disciples who've come before.

What a blessing! What a blessing.

[visionkept]

An audible gasp comes before anything else; and if the samurai was, indeed, unfortunate enough to look over and investigate the sound, they'd find the gaze instantly met. ❝ You!!! ❞ she even pointed directly at the wanderer, for emphasis,  ❝ you're perfect— ❞ 

And that's all the warning they'd get before she turned and scooped up two bolts of ornately patterned silk from the nearby display, then jaunted the few strides between them, offering one sample of cloth their way (and wiggling it for good measure). ❝ here, here, hold this up, kinda' like— ❞ Honey demonstrated putting the other bolt next to her face, half-rested against her shoulder, ❝ this, okay?— gosh. look at you. this is just, like, destiny. genuinely could not be any better. ❞

Tomoya is no stranger to the scams found in the area. Of the way people sweeten your ear to ALLURE YOU in and milk every mora in your pockets. Selling products thrice its original price and dumping on you excuses on why it's a lifetime deal. It takes those with a keen eye to spot the traps laid on the main market, waiting for the perfect VICTIM to pass by and bite the bait.

Being raised in the streets had taught them a trick or two about this kind of situations. Their best bet was to go unnoticed, mix between the commoners. For as long as you don't STAND OUT much, everything will work out and no one will call you out. . . . RIGHT ?

❝ You !!! ❞

It had been a quick glance, two gazes meeting instantly. An eyebrow arches, there's people around and they hope she isn't talking to them.

❝ . . . Me ? ❞ Yes, YOU, the unfortunate fool that looked her way. There has to be a mistake and yet her finger points to them and only them. ❝ Perfect ? ? ? ❞

They have no other business here than to retrieve the assigned bundle in the name of the adventurers' guild, a favour they are doing for a friend. SIDE TASKS like this should not distract them, especially those that could possibly be looking to take their most recent earnings. However, there's no running away when she fastly approaches and starts checking their height, holding patterned examples of beautiful cloth that would be too expensive for tomo to even cost to begin with.

❝ Hey, I don't━━ ❞

How they ended up standing there, holding the bolt the way she has referred to and let her measure as pleased, is still something that confuses them. They let Honey do her thing, not entirely trusting her but the ronin does not sense any malice from the fae's part. It doesn't take much for the blond to find the perfect match, give a step back to admire her work.

Well, it certainly does match them perfectly so, she got a good eye on this. ❝ Oh. . . Hmm. . . THANKS ? ❞ Wait. . . . This has to be a trap ! ❝ . . . for your information, I don't have any mora left so GOOD LUCK next time, miss. ❞